Within a year of being ordained in 2003, I was asked to lead a conversation among my 3-point parish about sexuality. I was a 26 year old newlywed still learning how to preach, read a budget and drive around Cashton without hitting any Amish buggies. I had no idea how to tackle such a controversial topic. So… I jumped in head first. Mostly because I, myself, wasn’t sure where I landed within the whole conversation. About twenty people of all ages and gender gathered multiple times to study a resource together that walked us through Scripture, tradition and the actual experiences of human beings. I learned a lot about the potential of a Christian congregation through those gatherings. I learned a lot about God. And I learned a lot about myself.

Since then, I have had critical or difficult conversations pertaining to: homeschooling, the minimum wage, the placement of the American flag within a church building, whether it’s appropriate to render military honors on a church campus, same-gender marriages, the consideration of anaphylactic allergies among our members, Israel & its relationship to the Palestinians, climate change, the way we staff our church and SO MUCH MORE. And in each and every conversation, no matter how flustered or embarrassed or maddened I became, I genuinely believed that what I was participating in was healthy and faithful. Difficult conversations grow groups of people from strangers who simply cross paths to brothers and sisters in Christ. Within these conversations, stupid, thoughtless things get said sometimes. I have seen that move some people to leave or never return. But most come back more invested, more engaged and more willing to be church together because of the confession that was then offered and the forgiveness that was then given. Reconciling our thoughts and feelings within a group of Christians is how we learn to be better neighbors to everyone else! Whether it’s our family, our co-workers, classmates or anyone else, we do better at those relationships if we practice the hard parts of relating to people at church.

That’s why I believe in Lenten small groups at First, especially as we’ve begun (and it’s not too late this week to join one) Waking Up White small groups. Yes, the book is the launching point for these conversations. But facilitators are trained to share other quotes, show some video clips and even encourage the groups to listen to the 1619 podcast. And, yes, people will say things that may land poorly with others. But, if you are white like me, how else can we learn to be better neighbors to people of color if we don’t talk about it? Ask questions about it? And explore our own relationship to the narrative of the dominant white culture?

Thank you to all who are jumping in head first, bravely offering your willingness to learn about yourself, your congregation, your neighbors and your God.